Strong

Yesterday our youngest, Tate, turned 4 years old. Birthdays are always exciting and full of reflection; I mean, kids just grow so fast. But this particular birthday has carried so much emotion with it. The improvements in Tate this year have been amazing, and looking back at our four year journey with him, I can't help but feel so thankful for all of it. To top it all off, I started an intense body bootcamp program one week before this birthday. Now that my days aren’t spent managing life with Tate minute by minute, and my nights aren’t spent awake with him; I decided to focus on me for a bit. 

I knew that this program would stretch me, and I started ready to give it my all. What I didn’t expect, was emotion tied to a simple workout and eating program. Leaving today’s workout, I was struck with how pursuing strong is forcing me to shed the “weight” of four years of trauma. I feel for parents of sick children; and while our journey hasn’t been as intense as some endure, I know very personally just how much our bodies store that trauma. When you are deep in doctors visits, and ER visits, and hospital stays, and specialists and all these people trying to help you sort out life with this child, and day to day is so dang hard; you aren’t processing, you are surviving.  

Years of survival builds up, and now that my Tate is functioning more normal, I’m ready to shed the “weight”. What’s fascinating to me, is that its been surprisingly motivating…the thing that’s pushing me harder each day isn’t a desire to be skinny (that would be nice though!), but more this deep down drive to shed the emotions, the trauma of four years. It sounds so cheesy on paper, but my goodness, aren’t humans fascinating. The way we process and survive, not always thriving but doing our best to just get through the mountain in front of us…now I’m ready to pursue thriving, to focus on me and to shed all the “yuck” that I’m still carrying deep down in me.   

I no longer panic with breathing episodes, or when I hear a person cough in public, or when someone is clearly sick and near my kid; I no longer panic at being in public with Tate, wondering if he will sit still, go crazy unexpectedly, or refuse to participate and just “shut down” at the most inopportune time. I’m able to function with less anxiety and stress and over-preparing for every minute of my day. What a refreshing, and almost forgotten, reality. I’m sure our journey with him isn’t over yet, but I’m reveling in the peace and calm that each day brings. And the luxury of early morning workouts, pushing past my limits and forcing strong (its still just a dream), that’s surprisingly therapeutic. So please pardon my million Facebook posts, and odd emotions for these next five weeks (or more), because sometimes in journeying to strong, you first have to shed the emotional “weight” that life has handed you….here’s to life free of it all, emotional and physical, here’s to strong.

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal, to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

“If you think you’re beaten you are, if you think you dare, not you won’t. If you like to win but think  that you can’t, its almost a cinch that you won’t. Success begins with a fellows will, it’s all in a state of mind. Think big and your dreams will grow, think small and you’ll fall behind. Think that you can and you will. Its all in a state of mind.” Walter Winkle 

Lord Help Me, It's Summer Break

One week into summer and I have a couple realizations...
1. My house won't be clean for another three months. And somehow everything is suddenly sticky, everything.
2. I need more wine, LOTS more wine.
3. Food is like vapor, there is never enough. The same for clean dishes.
4. Kids are crazy. 
5. It's only a matter of time before someone is seriously injured. (See #3)
6. Little people never sleep.
7. I forgot how much I love and hate the word mommy...hearing it 1 million times a day causes so much hate. But then there's the love...so confusing.
8. Your best effort is futile, the little people will take that and destroy it. Just focus on survival. (See #3)
9. Glitter. And art projects. And a million pieces of teeny tiny scrap paper. And stickers everywhere. And glue stuck to tables. And play doh smashed into the carpet. (See #1) It's a lost cause.
10. Noise. So much stinking noise. (See #4)
And THE question...Is it fall yet?!

The End of Summer...and a New Crop of RealLife Posts Coming

Wow, this summer flew by! And now my Facebook feed is full of smiling faces as they head back to the classroom. I took the summer off to chase my three kids and travel like crazy, but I am ready to return to RealLife posts. And those of you asking when I will start posting again, you can now stop asking...we are getting real again soon! I need your help though...if you have signed up in the past, or are interested in participating this year, I need you to tell me how you would like me to communicate with you. I had some issues this past year communicating that it was your turn (or else some of you experienced cold feet :)!)

How this works: I randomly select from the volunteer list and contact you that its your turn. You snap a few pics, giving a good idea of your home at that moment (beautifully real), and send them to me. I will likely ask you a few questions to add context to life in that home, and then I post your stuff on the blog. You remain anonymous and get to be part of this encouraging RealLife movement.

If you are planning to join me, please shoot me a message at rachel.anderson@hotmail.com or message me on Facebook.

Happy End of Summer!!

Rachel

Real Life, Take #4

We're back! Just in time for summer break and all the chaos and messes that go with it! Here is another Real Life Take...

Married, Working Mom, 2 Kids

The messiest part of this family's life is the car...constantly driving to and from sports and the numerous activities of today's teenagers. The quote from this mom was "messy & dirty car - always". So there you have it, another reminder that life is meant to be lived and not immaculately clean. :)

Reset Button

Oh my, it has been so long since my last blog and my heart has been so filled with words all this time. Life is just chaotic and busy and most days more than I can handle, much less putting words to paper or finding the time to post more RealLife Pics. I’ve spent the past month wrestling with sick kids and harsh realities…the kind that feel like a kick in the gut and change your reality forever.

My youngest, Tate, is without a doubt a blessing to our family. The child that we knew we were supposed to have even though we had said we were done. He came into the world fast and furious but was the sweetest little baby. From the start his health was a struggle and we experienced numerous doctor, ER and hospital visits. As he got a little older his demeanor changed from happy to miserably grouchy. We spent our days attempting to snuggle while he screamed and cried. He became aggressive and emotionally shut off and it was heartbreaking to see him struggle daily. My reality changed practically overnight and most days seemed unbearable. The joy in our home seemed to seep away more and more daily and I found myself wondering why this was my life.

Close to Tate’s second birthday we made some diet tweaks and found an essential oil regimen that had him functioning so much better. But as time went on and we were less strict with his diet, he regressed. There are no words that adequately describe a life nothing like what you imagined, but its even worse when you see your child struggle with no way to help. We were doing everything we could to help him, and I secretly wondered what was really wrong with this child. Having raised two other children through the toddler years, I knew that his behavior was far from normal. They were the kind of fears you keep buried in the back of your mind and avoid at all costs.

Then it happened, we were at a doctor’s appointment because Tate had been struggling with a “stomach bug” for over three weeks. His cultures showed no parasites or infection, so we were left with a simple answer of “it will get better”.  But during that visit, the Dr noted Tate’s anxiety, slow speech and lack of socialization…all signs of autism. He wanted to have Tate’s hearing and speech tested and the dreaded “A” word was used. I should clarify he in no way said my son suffered from Autism, but my biggest fears were right there, spoken, and a punch in the gut like no other. In one moment all of my dreams and desires for this little boy were dashed at the thought of him fighting this for the rest of his life. Struggling to connect and relate to the world, struggling to learn and thrive and live what most would view as a “normal” existence. This was my baby, and while there are wonderful people fighting this fight daily, I didn’t want my baby to be one of them.

I give you this emotional context because the flurry of emotion and the impact is so crucial to a heart change…so crucial to feel that blow and find a way to keep standing. Our family clung to God, sought prayer for the elders in our church and started to explore other causes for his behavior. Almost instantly gluten intolerance and celiac disease came to light with cases of it mimicking Tate’s situation, not to mention the mysterious “stomach bug” he had been fighting. We removed gluten from his diet and almost instantly he was a different child, he is socializing and happy and the “tummy bug” was gone. He was all of a sudden a normal toddler!

The emotions of the journey, which has in many ways just begun, were not so quickly healed, and that’s okay. It was as if God was hitting the reset button in my life. I think back over the past two years fighting for Tate’s health, struggling to survive each day and wondering why this was my life. There have been numerous times throughout the journey with Tate that I tried to find outlets for me in midst of it all…thinking that a hobby or fun thing would somehow make it more tolerable. So many blogs and articles and journals encourage mothers to seek an outlet and take care of them; I would in no way say that is a bad or wrong message, but I now believe that seasons will come when that just isn’t possible. Each and every outlet I pursued required me to walk away; the at home sales opportunity that was perfect for me, the early morning workouts that just weren’t feasible with so many hospital stays and sleepless nights, the play dates that were next to impossible with a child like Tate, and so many other missed chances. My life needed to focus solely on this child and my family, there was room for little else.

I’ve realized that it’s okay to have seasons where our focus is on nothing but what’s in front of us. It took me a long time to accept that my view of perfect, that all of those amazingly wonderful things I used to love doing, might not happen right now, and if they do, it likely won’t meet my previous standards. And while I wish I could only embrace the perfect and revel at how amazing it is, I know that without the imperfect, my life would be a shallow mess of perfect pictures and little depth. It’s the valleys that allow us to appreciate the mountaintops…I’m still waiting to find my way back to the mountaintop, but even a few more feet up the mountain is improvement. And needing to cling to God daily, while hard, isn’t a bad place to be. Being able to experience his provision and grace daily with a raw heart is a huge blessing!

While this journey isn’t over, and has been less than fun, I know that right now God is requiring me to live in the trenches and fight for those he’s given me. I know that I fail daily and offer less patience than I should…but it’s my journey and God is teaching me. The more I am required to give (and I’ve given so much more than I knew I had!), the deeper I love. I never knew how strong my Momma Bear instincts could be until they were tested, and who knows, you might see me crusading for a Tate cause someday soon, but I will leave that for another day.

“Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22,23

Lets Regroup...and Real Life, Take #3

I’m back! I’m sure you haven’t missed me in your busy lives…but I’ve missed sharing these little bits of real with you! My life turned all sorts of crazy about a month ago, and my normal got even more insane! I will take it because its been fun and I’m finally getting to embrace some home remodels I’ve been dying to do…but I also have to remind myself to “just keep breathing”, because it’s chaos!!

By not getting to the blog lateley (pictures have been sitting here waiting to be posted all this time!) I realized that it fits perfectly with the blog theme…life is busy and messy and chaotic, and sometimes it takes a month to complete something. So I’m going to stress less about the fact I’m so behind and instead embrace the fact that I’m finally getting to it. Better late than never, right?!

In this time I’ve been away, I’ve also been rethinking the blog direction a teeny bit…I know that not all people struggle with messy houses, and by just sharing pics we aren’t really connecting. Bummer right!? I want to connect and share and live right there with you…so, we are gonna keep sharing pics of real life homes BUT we are also going to delve into each person’s version of messy.  Cause messy can be literal or figurative…or in some cases, maybe both! This doesn’t have to be anything crazy or dramatic, and for you maybe it is your home; or maybe its your kid who never remembers table manners or refuses to use a comb, or the car that you practically live out of that is always a disaster, or maybe it’s not a physical mess but something less tangible, like a relationship that’s always off.

No matter who we are or what our life looks like, we all have “messy”, and messy is different for each of us. So on this blog we are going to get even more real and start sharing our “messy”, along with shots of real life lived in homes. Because I believe that the more honest we are with others, and real about our imperfections, the less isolated and crazy we feel about not being picture perfect. Lets embrace our perfectly imperfect lives together!!

Real Life, Take #3

Married, Business Owner, Two Kids

There you have your real life dose for the week! And you can breathe a sigh of relief that you survived spring break! 

Did you do anything exciting over spring break? We didn't go anywhere fun but the kids played with friends and took a self defense class. I highly recommend checking out the Urbandale Police Departments RADKids Program if you live in Iowa and have kids ages 5-12. I've attached a link with information http://www.urbandale.org/rad-and-radkids.cfm.

Head on over to our facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/reallifedomestic to get the latest real life posts! And of course, give us a like and share with your friends!

Interested in sharing your real with us? Shoot me a message at Rachel.anderson@hotmail.com or comment and we will make room for you!

Real Life, Take #2

Married, Housewife, Two Kids

A real life dose for your Monday! What's your real look like!?! 

Head on over to our facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/reallifedomestic to get the latest real life posts! And of course, give us a like and share with your friends! 

Interested in sharing your real with us? Shoot me a message at rachel.anderson@hotmail.com or comment and we will make room for you!